Should Statements

Making "should" statements can be damaging to ourselves and others. These statements involve imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others, often leading to feelings of guilt, disappointment, anger, and resentment. When we tell ourselves what we "should" do or feel, it can create a disconnect between our idealized expectations and our actual thoughts and behaviors. Similarly, applying "should" and "must" statements to others can lead to frustration and disappointment when they inevitably fail to meet our expectations.

Here are some examples of "should" statements with reframed versions that are more realistic:

• Original: "I should be able to handle this project on my own."
  • Reframed: "I'll do my best to manage this project, but I may need to ask for help if I get stuck."

• Original: "I should be more outgoing and social."
  • Reframed: "I'm an introverted person, and that's okay. I'll engage in social activities that feel comfortable for me."

• Original: "My partner should always know how I'm feeling."
  • Reframed: "I'll communicate my feelings to my partner, but I also need to be patient and understanding if they don't always pick up on my cues."

• Original: "I should be able to lose 10 pounds in a month."
  • Reframed: "I'll aim to make healthy lifestyle choices and focus on progress, not perfection. Aiming for a sustainable weight loss of 1-2 pounds per week is a more realistic goal."

• Original: "My kids should always listen to me and do what I say."
  • Reframed: "I'll set clear boundaries and expectations, but I also need to be patient and understanding that my kids are learning and may not always comply."

• Original: "I should be able to work 12-hour days without getting tired."
  • Reframed: "I'll prioritize my well-being and take regular breaks to rest and recharge. It's okay to acknowledge my limits and take care of myself."

• Original: "I should be able to control my emotions and never get angry."
  • Reframed: "I'll acknowledge and validate my emotions, even the difficult ones. It's okay to feel angry or upset sometimes, and I'll work on managing those feelings in a healthy way."

These reframed statements aim to be more realistic, flexible, and compassionate, acknowledging that we're human and imperfect.